Need something to make you laugh? We do, too. So why not try I Hate Everyone But You from Youtube sensations Allison Raskin and Gaby Dunn, a hilarious and poignant YA debut about two best friends starting college on opposite coasts.
Dear Best Friend,
I can already tell that I will hate everyone but you.
Sincerely,
Ava Helmer
(that brunette who won’t leave you alone)
We’re still in the same room, you weirdo.
Stop crying.
G
So begins a series of texts and emails sent between two best friends, Ava and Gen, as they head off to their first semesters of college on opposite sides of the country. From first loves to weird roommates, heartbreak, self-discovery, coming out and mental health, the two best friends will document every moment to each other. But as each changes and grows into her new life, will their friendship be able to survive the distance?
I Hate Everyone But You is available now.
EXCERPT CREDIT: From I Hate Everyone But You by Gaby Dunn and Allison Raskin. Copyright © 2017 by the authors and reprinted by permission of Wednesday Books.
THE COMPLETE MORTIFICATION OF AVA HELMER (1999–PRESENT)
Ava Helmer <>
to Gen
- Birth. I poop inside my mom’s womb. I obviously don’t remember this. But I do remember all the times my mom talked about it at family events.
- Kindergarten. I try to sit on the teacher’s lap during naptime. She tells me that is inappropriate. In front of the entire class.
- Third grade. Becky Olsberg and Laura Jenner invite me over for a playdate. We share secrets. I confess that sometimes I eat flowers. They tell everyone that I am secretly a horse trapped in a girl’s body.
- All of middle school.
- Jordan F. asks me to come over to his house to ask me about you. (Did I ever tell you this? I knew you hated Jordan F. so I might have kept that as a silent shame until now. Oh, no. What if you DIDN’T hate Jordan F. and I ruined your one shot at true happiness as well as any chance of you staying in California for college? He goes to Stanford. I love him so much.)
- Prom. You remember.
- Day 3 of rushing. When I find out that only 3 of 10 houses want me back EVEN THOUGH THE AVERAGE IS 7! Only getting asked back to 3 houses in the second round is unheard of. I’m mortified.
- One of those houses, Pi Phi, is like the COOLEST house on campus, so they have obviously just invited me back to be nice. Or as a cruel joke. (Please refer to #3 above.)
I don’t even want to go back to rush. If I do, I’ll feel like I’m asking for it. (Not sexually; I know women can’t actually do that.)
I want to cry, but stupid Jessica won’t leave the room!
A dead person, formerly known as Ava Beth Helmer
P.S. I’m already crying. Just really softly.
Re: THE COMPLETE MORTIFICATION OF AVA HELMER (1999–PRESENT)
Gen Goldman <>
to Ava
Are you kidding me???? I could have been married to Jordan F. by now?
My last name could have been Facker?
I’m never speaking to you again after this utter betrayal.
Re: THE COMPLETE MORTIFICATION OF AVA HELMER (1999–PRESENT)
Gen Goldman <>
to Ava
JK JK. You told me about that Jordan F. thing immediately after it happened. You cried on the way home and I bought you fro-yo. Honestly, I’m the most hurt you don’t remember the fro-yo. I asked for whipped cream and everything.
Take a deep breath and remember: college students are idiots. You wouldn’t trust these girls to make you a coffee, why would you trust their character assessment?
Also, you got asked back to 3 houses! And 1 is cool?! Which is a shock to me because I assumed all sororities are inherently UNCOOL!
Maybe this Pie Phi house is the coolest because they have the smartest girls, and those smart girls are about to see how insanely awesome you are. Ever thought of that? Harry Potter was rejected 8 times before Bloomsbury published one of the greatest gifts to Muggle kind.
Never give up. Never surrender.
(Unless you realize sororities are lame and YOU don’t want to be a part of THEM.)
Gen
P.S. Now I really want fro-yo.
